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Self-Love Before Love
Guest post written by Lisamarie DeLeon
The first kind of love you should ever have in your life is Self Love
I know around this time of year everyone is talking about love and relationships and as wonderful as that is I think sometimes we forget about a different kind of love. The most important love of all is Self-Love! I am not talking about superficial love, I am talking about loving yourself enough to work on your well-being before bringing someone else into the picture. More times than often (and more than I would like to see) we forget to work on ourselves and love ourselves because we are so caught up in dating and getting married someday. I hate to break it to anyone reading this, but no relationship will ever work if you don’t learn to love yourself first.
The Big Questions:
How do you really have self-love, what does that really look like? Well, let’s start by clearing up what self-love is, self love is caring about yourself enough to put your own happiness first. This means working on your mental well-being, and this goes for everyone. The first step in taking care of yourself is loving yourself enough to say I have things to work out and that is okay. Give yourself permission and acceptance to not be okay and to not be ready to have the capacity to love someone else. This will open you up to a whole new world! When you can say “I have to work on myself because I know I have some unresolved issues and concerns”, then you can start putting in the work. Wow, what a wonderful place and mental space to be in. I will give you a personal example (don’t worry I will make this quick and painless). When I was growing up I was physically abused and because I never resolved that, any time my husband and I would argue I automatically went into defense mode and my fight or flight kicked in right away no questions asked. I did go to therapy and please understand that there is nothing wrong with going to therapy. I would never be where I am today if I didn’t go and I am not ashamed of that. Honestly, Therapy is another form of self-love, because you are putting yourself first and taking care of yourself.
Another form of Self-love is knowing how to take care of yourself when you need it, also known as self-care. One major thing to understand though is that if you don’t learn how to self-love then self-care will never stick, it will only be a temporary relief. When you can learn how to take care of yourself this will only further help future relationships. We all have bad days and we all have arguments in relationships, so it is important to learn how to self-care so that you can take a break but also when you give yourself a break you can also learn how to be more receptive and responsive in a positive manner.
So last but not least and also important even though it’s not THE most important, Superficial Self Love. First, let me clarify that superficial does not have to be a negative word, it actually just means existing on the surface. This kind of love is very essential because if you don’t love yourself, it’s hard to accept compliments, it’s hard to be confident, and it’s hard to put yourself out there. See the main word there? HARD, everything is hard when you don’t love yourself. Let me tell you something about superficial love… it’s hard to have most of the time because of our experiences and traumas that we have had (which again it’s good to get help with this). Now let me tell you a secret and I know it’s not easy (trust me I know), but self-love is standing up for yourself and not giving a damn what anyone thinks and not giving anyone permission to make you feel inferior. A tip I would like to leave you with, when you can look at yourself in the mirror…like directly at the mirror (without feeling hurt, sad, or embarrassed) then you will start learning to love yourself. When you can take it a step further and look in the mirror and tell yourself what you love about yourself, you will learn to have thick skin and confidence.
I hope that you have enjoyed this post and remember this is good for practicing before a relationship but if you are already in a relationship it’s not too late to take this same advice and start practicing now. Everyone woman is as beautiful as a rose and deserves to feel that kind of love and beauty.
I Hope You Have A Day As Beautiful As You Are! xoxo/Lisamarie
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