‘You dont look sick’
‘You look normal!’
‘You’re just making excuses’
‘You’re ALWAYS tired’
‘Why don’t you come out anymore?’
‘I didnt ask you because you always say you’re sick’
Sound familiar? Yeah, me too!!
These words get said all too often. When you wake up in the morning and you just know today is ‘one of those days’. You know what I mean right? Well for those of you who dont, let me explain…
Imagine waking up in the morning and your whole body is on fire. Every muscle burns, even the ones you didnt know you had. You’re so thirsty and your glass of water is right next to you but even reaching for it is goin to hurt like hell!! Your eyes feel heavy, sore, dry, like when you used to wake after a night out back when you were ‘normal’ when in reality, you’ve slept for hours it just still isnt enough. And there it is.. ‘The Hangover’.. the one you get even though you havent been out drinking. That nausea lingering at the back for your throat makin you want to wretch and throwup but its not going to go, its still going to be there in 6 hours time so better get used to it!!
You lay there mentally noting all the things you have to do today.
- Last nights dishes!! (I wasnt feeling so hot last night either)
- Get the kids ready for school
- Feed the dog
Lets face it, the list just goes on and on.. meanwhile all we want to do is curl up into a ball and sleep hoping that it will all be gone when we wake. Thats the reality of a morning for most of us with these ‘invisible illnesses’. Except for us, they ARENT invisible. They’re very much there, in our faces like a demon that cant be exorcised away. Latched on with every bit of strength it has, making us feel less human every day.
I often sit and think ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ ‘Why me?’
But the truth is, i’d rather go through it than anyone I love go though it! I’m a great believer in ‘everything happens for a reason’ but it feels like i’m still waiting for my reasoning day to come. As a child i’d pray for the most stupid things as we all do, i’d go to sunday school and read all about Jesus. Yet now I cant help but thnk, if there is such an almighty god, then why does he let this happen to me? Does anyone else think that?
Does anyone else hate it when people say
‘Oh you look like the old you today!’
Like when did I become a ‘new me’?? I’m still that same person I was before I got so sick, I just cant do as much as I used to! Being ill doesnt determin who you are as a person. But it does determin what you can and cant do each day of your like. That bit I HATE!! The frustration builds up inside me until it feels like im going to burst!!
We all have a winge and a moan, and even though sometimesI just want to give up, I cant. Sometimes I dont want to take anymore pills, or go to ANOTHER hospital appointment. But then I see my parents, Husband and childrens faces and I know I have to. They’re my ‘Happy Thoughts’.
It’s just like Peter Pan say’s. And they really are my happy thoughts. They give me the wings I need to fly through this maddness that life has thrown at me. Without them i’d sink to the bottom of the ocen into my darkest of places. But with them I can do anything.
So next time you’re having ‘One of them days’ just take 2 minutes to sit and think of your very own happy thoughts. You never know what it could be or who they could be. But it might just be the thing that gets you through the day. Because in reality, we cant always sleep it off or rest up because life still goes on.
But if you’re reading this and you know someone who has an invisivle illness, next time you see them, whether they look great or look crap, ask how they are. Not all of us have the courage to tell someone how bad we really feel, or the effort we have gone through to meet up with you that day. So no matter what the answer may be, don’t judge them or tell them they look tired/sick or even normal!! Just be abit more compasionate to what they are dealing with. And if you make plans and they cancel, don’t be mad. They really wanted to come, whatever the reason is they are feeling low enough without someone making it worse. Just dont forget to invite them next time, even if they usually say no. Being thought of can make someone feel alot better and alot more ‘normal’.