Hey Beauties!! Welcome back for episode 2 of ‘Cuppa & Chat’ this week featuring my guest blogger the lovley Deb Adadjo!! If you missed episode 1 you can see it HERE. This week we’re focusing on cutting out negativity from you life. Often we don’t realise how much of an impact negativity can have on our mental state even if we think we do great blocking it out!! But actually eliminating it from our lives lifts a weight we didn’t realise was there. Below we hear Deb’s experience’s with this and her tips to help you vanquish all those negative energys from your life. So grab a cuppa ad get comfy!!
A Hopful Future After Mental Health Challenges By Deb Adadjo
Deb is a writer, former RN and future mental health advocate for abused women. Loves coffee, writing, blogging, talking, traveling, her cats and coffee.
Here’s what she had to say..
Being on “this side” of the mental health battle seems like a win. By this side, I mean the side where I’m looking back at all the terrible struggles I’ve gone through: the nights I’ve laid awake wondering which is the best way to take my own life, who hates me, why and which way they’ll bring pain and suffering into my life next, and in which bloody, gory way my husband will die. I couldn’t stop these thoughts from happening. They were a black tornado, swirling so fast inside my brain, I couldn’t grab even one thought to process it and make sense of it. So, when I say this side, I mean the side where those thoughts are quieted and I’ve made so many positive changes, sometimes, I cry tears of joy and hope.
Hope is a word I never thought I would say in my life again. But here I am. Writing about it. I’m so thankful I was invited to write about it and share how I got to this place. I’m hoping maybe one or two of these words can help another person. That’s why I agreed to write this blog. It wasn’t an easy battle and I fought my black tornado for a long time. But that bloody battle was worth the pain. Here are the three main things that have helped bring hope back into my life:
The first thing I had to do was believe it when someone said: “love yourself first.” I’ve heard that from the time I was young, but for some reason, one day, someone said it, and I believed it. As soon as I believed, I could do the work I needed to do to truly put myself first, above all the people who were causing hurt in my life. After that, I placed each person on a mental health “scale” in my mind. Did the joy or pain they brought to my life bring me balance? If they brought more pain, I had to cut them out. If they brought more joy, I gladly accepted them to stay. My mental health was worth the short-term pain, because I had to love myself first. The amazing thing is, for each person I cut out, a new, better person has come into my life to replace them. I’ve made such good friends, I can’t even remember the bad influences I cut out at this very moment!
The next thing I did, and this is truly important, was to believe I deserved treatment. Yes, this seems like it should be common sense, but I was a fighter, and believed I could do it on my own. I didn’t need anyone’s help or any medication. But, I needed help. So, I found a therapist, which was an ordeal on its own. I went through four before I found someone I clicked with, and who clicked with me; someone who could handle me saying “NO” to every treatment she suggested. We settled into a routine. I also found a psychiatrist and accepted some medications, but I also learned to say no to the ones that turned me into a zombie. I still had to feel like myself. It’s okay to advocate for yourself through it all. But accepting help is a part of getting better.
Find your tribe
Finally, something that may seem simple to some, but was difficult for me, was finding my tribe. I was bullied and abused in every way imaginable, so my factory setting is to trust no one, which means I don’t know how to make friends. Allowing people into my life that brought positive energy has been a lifeline. I was recently inpatient and came across six new, beautiful people for my tribe. Social media, like Twitter, has also allowed me to find people who have similar struggles as I do, and we offer each other support. Finding people who support you during the good, and especially stay close to you during the hard times, is critical.
My final note: never stop. You may be at the point in your journey that you think things will never get better. I was at that point too. I’ve been at some very, very low points. But please, please believe me when I say things can get better. There is hope in your future as well. Read those words again and again if you have to. Just never give up trying.
Wow what amazing advice from Deb I’m sure you’ll all agree!! It takes soooo much for us to open up about our mental health struggles as we live in constant fear of being judged. Thankyou so much Deb for being a strong advocate for us all!! You can see a post on just one of many of my struggles with mental health HERE. Let us know in the comments what you think of Debs story/advice and if you’ve gone through anything similar. Are you currently going through this now?? If you’re a blogger and would like to feature in one of my Cuppa & Chat episodes see my Contact Me page and get in touch!!
Until next time..
Much Love – Mrs Slee-Jones xx
Don’t forget to follow Deb on her socials!!!
SnapChat – Bumble6671